Supporting Positive Behaviour: A Conversation with Child Behaviour Consultant Shannon Gault

One of the areas I’m particularly passionate about is supporting families with child development and behaviour. That’s why I’m so excited to introduce Shannon Gault, a child behaviour consultant with years of experience in helping parents and caregivers foster positive relationships with children.  A lifelong learner, Shannon studies Psychology at Queen’s University and holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts, and a certificate in child behaviour from The Early Years Family Development Center.   Shannon brings creativity and resourcefulness to her coaching approach by helping families navigate the challenges of parenting with practical solutions.

 

We asked Shannon three key questions to better understand how parents (or anyone in the life of a child) can support their children.   Her expertise is invaluable for any parent looking to strengthen their connection with their child to build a healthy, positive family dynamic and encourage children’s emotional resilience.

 

1. What Are the Most Common Behavioural Challenges Parents Face, and How Can They Address Them?

 

Many parents encounter behavioural challenges related to things like tantrums, defiance, or difficulties with transitions. These look different depending on the age of the child.  A 13-year-old rolling their eyes or slamming their bedroom door is reminiscent of a toddler who just threw their dinner plate across the room.  One of the quickest ways to address misbehaviour is to adjust our expectations.   Most parents I speak with are concerned about very age-appropriate behaviours.  A better understanding of where our children are developmentally helps us manage our expectations.  The great news is that when children exercise personal power, it doesn’t need to be mislabeled as disobedience.  Learning some strategies and language to use in these moments can encourage cooperation, reduce power struggles, and nourish independence and positive self-esteem.

 

2. How Can Parents Foster Positive Behavior in Their Children?

 

We communicate every day with our children; however, we often talk “at them” and not “to them.”   I say we because I am right there with you.  Parenting is hard, and life is busy.  Something that we can do immediately to make a positive impact is simply to be mindful of connecting with our children each day.  Prioritize quality over quantity.  Perhaps during the car ride on the way to school, while preparing supper, or reading a book together at bedtime.   Fostering a healthy relationship and managing children’s behaviour happens not only when they are in “crisis” but also during the subtle, calmer moments throughout the day.  

 

3. What Are Some Effective Strategies for Managing Challenging Behaviours in the Moment?

 

Often, what I suggest to parents is to look at the current rules in their home.  Then, we work together and focus on their most “pressing” concerns.  For example, getting out the door in a timely manner, sibling rivalry, or picky eating.  When addressing misbehaviours, it helps to focus on only a few specific areas at once.   When we try to “change” everything at the same time, we risk both parent and child becoming overwhelmed.  This can lead to more out-of-character outbursts and brew hostility. Here are a few “go-tos” for the heat of the moment.  Give one or two a try; there are more where they came from!

 

• Children hear “no” so many times throughout the day from educators, friends, and parents.  We can focus on more creative ways of saying no.  For example, instead of saying, “No, you cannot have a cookie; it is too close to dinner time,” try, “Yes, you can have a cookie after dinner.”
• Our language makes a difference in how children “hear” and respond.  Here are a few alternatives of how to say “no” without actually saying it:
• Let me think about it…
• I want you to…
• You really wish you could… (instead of “you are not allowed”)
• We need to go faster and be on time (instead of “hurry up”)
• What else could you do? (instead of “why did you do that?”)
• When you tell a child something they CANNOT do, tell them something they CAN do.  “You cannot splash in the bath; there is water all over the floor, and that’s dangerous.  But you CAN fill this bucket or blow bubbles in the water.”
• Children do really well with clear instructions.  Give specific and literal directions; “you clean up your trucks, and I will help with the blocks.”  This type of language invites cooperation more than “it’s time to clean up your toys.”

 

A big thank you to Shannon Gault for sharing her knowledge and expertise with us today. Your insights into child behaviour are invaluable, and we are so grateful for the practical advice you’ve provided for parents looking to build positive, lasting connections with their children.

 

Shannon is available for private consultations, parenting/women’s groups, and workshops; shannon@theearlyyears.ca OR shannongault@hotmail.com

 

Check out Tender.ly a local doula company supporting growing families through the fertility, birth and postpartum journey.

 

Until next time,

 

Alix

 

*image credit: @amandafranzeen